I have shared what I have been dealing with for quite some time and I can see that God is doing some amazing things through such dark days and I am so excited! I have started a Bible study by Beth Moore called "James". I have tried to do a few studies by her before and I always get so frustrated cause I feel like I am not "Bible smart" to do her studies. At first I wasn't real keen on doing this study but thought that I would try sense it has been years. This Bible study has challenged me and I have learned so much from it! Mind you I am a huge Pracila Shirrer fan and I love her studies cause they are on my level. I have already use much that I have learn from this study and we only have completed two weeks.
James 1:17 tells us that "Everything good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting Shadows."
Beth Moore gave us a task of looking at our lives in quarters. Take your present age and divide it by 4. Then reflect on the course of your life and right down several good AND perfect gifts God has poured into our lives. From everything that I wrote down for each quarter the one thing that I came up with is: I AM LOVED!!! For a woman who for quite some time was feeling so unloved and alone no matter where I was and how packed the room was just what I needed to be reminded!
I challenge you right now to do the same and despite the rough times and different seasons of your life you too will see how much you are loved and how many gifts that God has given to you throughout the course of your life!
Monday, April 16, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
8 Months Later
It has been sense July 2011 sense I have posted any blogs. Today I went back to look at what I had last shared and my title Depression: It's Real. While I was reading what I had shared and what I was going through at that point in time was what I thought to be some of my darkest days, were really much brighter than the days that were to come.
Looking back, Christmas is a time of year that is suppose to be full of joy and happiness and time to spend with family and reflecting back on the past year and start looking forward to what the new year has in store. The only thing I can remember doing is just praying that I would have the "want to" to get out of bed and when the day would come I was just praying that the day would end as fast as it had gotten here. For the first time I even I can honestly say that Christmas 2011 was not a time I look back on and think of happy times. For me it was dark days and days that I will always remember as letting my children and my husband down. If it wasn't for my mom and my sister being so persistent and forcing me to share my hurt and pain I am not sure where I would be today.
I am a person who loves to encourage people and lift them up but when I need the same thing in return I never let anyone know. I know that I seem like an out going person and that I love life and I have it all together but I promise that is FAR from the truth, I GOT ISSUES!
It wasn't until a ladies retreat in February in Destin, FL. that for the first time I didn't feel alone. I was way out of my comfort zone going on a retreat with ladies who I know well but really don't "know" me like my closest friends. They don't know all that I struggle with on the inside. Through each lady that spoke that weekend I was able to let go and not allow my depression define who I am but what God has done! It was there that I sat and told God that I give Him ALL of me not just part but ALL!
My testimony isn't what most people think of when when you hear that word, testimony. I know that my testimony will be one that will never have an ending till the day the Lord calls me home. Praise God for is grace and mercy and where I am today!
Looking back, Christmas is a time of year that is suppose to be full of joy and happiness and time to spend with family and reflecting back on the past year and start looking forward to what the new year has in store. The only thing I can remember doing is just praying that I would have the "want to" to get out of bed and when the day would come I was just praying that the day would end as fast as it had gotten here. For the first time I even I can honestly say that Christmas 2011 was not a time I look back on and think of happy times. For me it was dark days and days that I will always remember as letting my children and my husband down. If it wasn't for my mom and my sister being so persistent and forcing me to share my hurt and pain I am not sure where I would be today.
I am a person who loves to encourage people and lift them up but when I need the same thing in return I never let anyone know. I know that I seem like an out going person and that I love life and I have it all together but I promise that is FAR from the truth, I GOT ISSUES!
It wasn't until a ladies retreat in February in Destin, FL. that for the first time I didn't feel alone. I was way out of my comfort zone going on a retreat with ladies who I know well but really don't "know" me like my closest friends. They don't know all that I struggle with on the inside. Through each lady that spoke that weekend I was able to let go and not allow my depression define who I am but what God has done! It was there that I sat and told God that I give Him ALL of me not just part but ALL!
My testimony isn't what most people think of when when you hear that word, testimony. I know that my testimony will be one that will never have an ending till the day the Lord calls me home. Praise God for is grace and mercy and where I am today!
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