8 Months Later

It has been sense July 2011 sense I have posted any blogs. Today I went back to look at what I had last shared and my title Depression: It's Real. While I was reading what I had shared and what I was going through at that point in time was what I thought to be some of my darkest days, were really much brighter than the days that were to come.

Looking back, Christmas is a time of year that is suppose to be full of joy and happiness and time to spend with family and reflecting back on the past year and start looking forward to what the new year has in store. The only thing I can remember doing is just praying that I would have the "want to" to get out of bed and when the day would come I was just praying that the day would end as fast as it had gotten here. For the first time I even I can honestly say that Christmas 2011 was not  a time I look back on and think of happy times. For me it was dark days and days that I will always remember as letting my children and my husband down. If it wasn't for my mom and my sister being so persistent and forcing me to share my hurt and pain I am not sure where I would be today.

I am a person who loves to encourage people and lift them up but when I need the same thing in return I never let anyone know. I know that I seem like an out going person and that I love life and I have it all together but I promise that is FAR from the truth, I GOT ISSUES!
It wasn't until a ladies retreat in February in Destin, FL. that for the first time I didn't feel alone. I was way out of my comfort zone going on a retreat with ladies who I know well but really don't "know" me like my closest friends. They don't know all that I struggle with on the inside. Through each lady that spoke that weekend I was able to let go and not allow my depression define who I am but what God has done! It was there that I sat and told God that I give Him ALL of me not just part but ALL!

My testimony isn't what most people think of when when you hear that word, testimony. I know that my testimony will be one that will never have an ending till the day the Lord calls me home. Praise God for is grace and mercy and where I am today!